My Blog header is ironic to the theme of my soon-to-be blog posts, and this blog post.
Why? Duh, :)) just kidding.
I am currently typing my thoughts that most of my friends and peers never knew, or in this case, 'my thoughts you never knew'. (Yeah, like the song Neon by Spongecola) and I believe that these words are too daring to say to you, or you would not like to hear the drama behind, so that's why I can't speak these words.
Technically, I am not speaking. Typing lang :)) (Pilosopo ka pa a?)
So why indirectly confess my thoughts?
As YOU know, I eat a lot of pork. (Memory problem), baka mawala e. Kidding. I want to voice it out and let others see my point and understand. In that way I will know my fault and see what went wrong to a seemingly happy story. For me to learn and to accept. Most of all I can't really do anything productive or fruitful in these past days. You've been the headline of my mind these past days. (or months) Hahahaha :)) as if masipag ako to start my stuff no?
Hahaha, I don't even know of some people will care to read this, and I assume that there won't be any :)) (kunyari na lang meron :>)
No no no, I don't blame you neither for my incapability to do work, nor for my obnoxious actions towards other people. It's my fault to think of you this often and this hard. Of missing you. I don't care if you're not feeling the same way as I do, of *missing a person sdb (you know this sdb thing), but if you do, then we can meet halfway and meet to stop missing and start seeing each other. (*Yeah right. As if she does)
I need this to discharge my thoughts so I could think and manage myself better. It's like purging a clogged toilet (Imagine that) and making myself useful and to take advantage of the time given. kasi..
Wala pa pala akong nagagawang project or homework. kahit isa. Sana sila rin (h1). Hahaha.
I don't have a clue on where to start. Prepare your tissues or your Biogesic for this :)
I still find your reasons for changing a bit weird, and with that, hundreds of question started to pop out on my mind, with unbelievably hard tears came down through and clouded my judgement, and still is.
Why end this soon?
Have I done something wrong or out of line?
Did I lack on my effort?
Is there a way to fix this?
Nahurt ba kita?
Will I still be with you?
You like someone else?
What made you think like that?
Is this the end?
Your reasons quite challenged the memories we shared. The time we spent together. It may be not that long, but those were the best I ever had with someone. I was satisfied with whatever I had with you, and I do not think forward or think of more. I stayed happy with that, and will always be. I didn't expect it to end this soon.
I don't have an idea on why she would do that. Is it wrong if i feel that way towards her? I don't ask her to feel the same way, like force her to do so, but just STAY and don't change her way towards me.
But after a lot of ice cream and chocolates devoured, songs to listen and feel with, comforts and words of wisdom to make you feel warm, I think it safe to say that I did my part. Did things you allowed me to do, but with much difficulty na. You know how bad I want to make things work, or make ends meet, and so far, I feel you did something wrong. As much as possible I don't want to see you like that, and I believe that you're not like that. But that's how you made me feel. I believer you're not like that, you're not like that, you're just confused. (I think) Don't worry. Faith is built upon this.
But why would you do that? Test? Or you're hiding something? Hmm. Okay, I seriously don't want to think of it anymore because I won't know the answer. Even if you left me wondering with hundreds of questions, some were answered, while some were left hanging. You don't want me to wait or hope, but ironically, your actions made me act, wait and hope for answers. It's already inevitable.
Back on my HS days, I used to blog things that hurt me, to let it out, with a sad ending like those you see in korean movies (Daddy Long Legs) empowered by honesty and ideas on how I felt. This time I think I'll do something new.
Instead of making this post so-emoish (no offense a), I'll try to give it a nice and happy twist.
A sincere thanks goes from my heart to you. If you believe that this is all we can be, or we can become, then fine. Have it your way. Like what you've told me, it should be give and take. You know that I gave time and effort in fixing this, but took rejections in the other end. The song 'If you leave' applies here. But the sad part is, It's only I who gave it a try to work it out and I am not at my best without you. As I've told you, something has to make you run and I can see I am not worth the run, or the gas. :)) Yeah, I know why. I'm just a pit stop towards your destination.
But still, Thanks for making me feel this way, I never felt like this ever before. You made me feel worthy of receiving such love, and giving love like I never did before. You brought back the feeling that I learned to forget, and being open to a type of girl I looked upon as the 'dream' girl, the type of girl that I can't hug, held hands with, and share a kiss..in the cheeks. Hahaha!
I never thought I can do those things, for I am quite the type of guy who would hesitate then think twice to know if it's fine to do those gestures, as someone you only like, Jed lang naman ako. :) Anyway, thanks for that. For making me feel special, from the girl precious to me.
And yeah. I will miss your soft and warm hands, with your Mercedes. Mercedes! Haha
I will miss the way you sing boom boom pow.
I will miss the way you sniff.
I will miss the way you tell no, and wait.
I will miss the way you you pinch my un-muscular arms.
l will miss the way you inspired me.
I will miss your voice when you sing and when you talk.
I will miss the way you look at me.
I will miss the way you make me feel.
For making me feel warm, safe, and calm when I lost my camera. You made me forget that I lost the cam. :))
For offering me your favorite dish, 'swam', Although di ko sya natikman.
For keeping me company when I went to Cubao to search and explore different shops there, to find the same model that I lost, and when I bought ingredients for our Food Lab, Thanks for hanging out with me. :)
For the baby pic you made, for making me think that there is a possibility that a baby born with my and your looks would be that adorable and cute.
For treating me a free gatorade for Ma. Kaya GoodVibes ka dun e :P
For letting me in your place.
For lending me your uber big payong. :)
For the encouragements.
For the affection.
For the love.
Thanks! :)
I still believe you're a good girl because of that, and in spite your recent actions.
And for that, Bro will give you your Pink Doll Shoes. Yeah, the pair of shoes in Nine West.
It's your choice to leave it like this, or fix.
Just so you know. :)
p.s.
I'll still give you a copy of Jerry Maguire and How to lose a guy..
I'll give you a copy of Martian Child, the film you're asking in fb, and some other movies.
Iwan ko na lang kay Manong Guard sa baba. Just ask him. :)
I have been missing you, and will always be.
Is it still ma-emo? :P
